I must send my special appreciation to whoever sent me the one about rat droppings in the glue on envelopes: I now use a damp cloth with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, thanks to your great advice, I don't answer the phone any more because I know someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
And by the way, you'll be interested to know I no longer have any savings because I gave every cent in my account to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
However, I'm not worried about being penniless...that will all change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
And if Bill Gates messes me around, I'm still waiting to hear from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate. Easy money, eh?!
At least I no longer have to worry about my soul because since I made my credit card donation, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena will grant my every wish.
And thanks for whoever it was from America who sent me the great security warning: I no longer buy petrol without taking a guard along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
By the way, according to a report just in, a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ, and who are sexually frustrated and generally maladjusted, always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
(Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.)